Driver's Eddie

"I'm gonna teach you to drive. You're gonna be the best damn driver on the road."
"Holy nuts. Seriously?! What happened?"
"The officer was just reminding me how dangerous it is out there. And it's my job to make sure you're prepared."
— Louis Huang and Eddie Huang

"Driver's Eddie" is the fourth episode of the fifth season of Fresh Off the Boat. It first aired on November 2, 2018.

Synopsis[]

Louis makes it his mission to teach Eddie how to be a good driver after a police officer makes an inappropriate Asian driver stereotype comment. Meanwhile, Evan is jealous when he discovers that Grandma has only been inviting Emery to hang out with her at her new garage apartment.

Plot[]

To be added

Cast[]

Main Cast[]

Randall Park as Louis Huang
Constance Wu as Jessica Huang
Hudson Yang as Eddie Huang
Forrest Wheeler as Emery Huang
Ian Chen as Evan Huang
Lucille Soong as Jenny Huang (credited as Grandma Huang)
Chelsey Crisp as Honey Ellis (absent; credit only)
Ray Wise as Marvin Ellis

Recurring Cast[]

Trevor Larcom as Trent Masterson
Prophet Bolden as Walter Stone
Evan Hannemann as Dave Selby (credited as Barefoot Dave)
Dash Williams as Brian Pew

Guest Cast[]

Steve Brewster as Father
Greg Bryan as Officer Chester (credited as Cop)
Dana Pan Byrne as Old Woman
Anthony Marciona as Mr. Occipinti (credited as Driver's Ed Teacher)
Chris Wu as Thug #1
James Taku Leung as Thug #2

Quotes[]

Eddie: This is gonna be awesome. I can't wait to get behind that wheel. Hang a Louie on the I-4.
Walter: Dude, I've already been driving all summer with my parents.
Dave: Me too. Long trips. I drive, my mom stares out the window, and we both think of what it would've been like if we never got out of Memphis.
Eddie: I didn't know everyone was driving!
Trent: Don't worry, Eddie. I'm with you. My sisters refuse to let me drive. They say I get too many leg spasms.
Dave: Eddie, you have calm legs. Why haven't you driven?
Eddie: Have you met my parents?

Brian: What's up, suckers? Pretty nice day. Figured I'd ride my hog.
Dave: How did you get your driver's license?
Brian: I'm older than you guys. I stayed back in second grade. On purpose. Liked the upcoming talent better.
Trent: What's it like? Driving? On your own? No one screaming at your leg?
Brian: It's like flying while sitting down.
Eddie: Damn! I gotta get my license.

Jessica: The quicker you can drive, the quicker I can stop being the family taximan.
Eddie: Oh, my God. Let's go right now.
Jessica: No way. You learn on our car, we'll need new brakes, new bumpers, new rods. You can learn at school.
Eddie: But that's months of classroom time before we even get in the car!
Jessica: I know. I have the lesson plan.
Louis: What your mom means to say is, this is a big responsibility. No need to rush. Enjoy the process. This is the milestone of young adulthood.

Evan: I have some vacuuming to do, but maybe after I finish, we can continue our Boggle match?
Emery: Sorry. I have a commitment later.
Evan: Oh, you have a commitment, do you? I'd love to know what's more important than Boggle Brothers.
Emery: Grandma invited me to hang out at her new place.
Evan: It's the garage. The old tenant was a car! And in the future, when we get invited out, can you put it on the calendar so I know? Luckily, I keep my Saturdays light.
Emery: Actually, Grandma only invited me.
Evan: What?! We're a package deal! Who invites butter but not the rolls?!

Marvin: Oh, man, I wish I had had a dad like you. You know, one that prepares his son for the world and everything in it.
Louis: I don't know about that.
Marvin: I'm serious, Lou. I was thrown to the wolves. No one protected me. No one taught me that there were good and bad mustards out there. Your kid, no matter what sandwich comes his way, is gonna know what to put on it because of you.
Louis: Is this still about mustard?
Marvin: Yeah. No. I don't know.

Officer Chester: All right, sir, can you tell me how you caused the accident?
Louis: E-Excuse me?
Driver: No, it wasn't him. He was just–
Officer Chester: No, you don't have to cover for him. We all know whose fault it was.
Louis: Uh, his car overheated. I pulled over to help. There was no accident.
Officer Chester: Oh. Well, that's a nice surprise. Normally, it's, you know, "We got another crash on Sycamore due to, you guessed it, Asians. Over."
Louis: Uh, what is that supposed to mean?
Officer Chester: Oh, come on, I'm joking. You get it! I'm not a racist. Come on. My... My training officer was Korean.

Officer Chester: "Hey, do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!" It's Rush Hour. It's the best movie of the summer, possibly of all time.
Louis: I, uh, haven't seen it.
Officer Chester: How have you not seen it? You would love it!

Louis: I love you so much.
Jessica: You are up to something.
Louis: My airtight plan. How?!
Jessica: Spill it.
Louis: I want to teach Eddie to drive. He needs to be ready. More than ready.
Jessica: No. We agreed.
Louis: I know, but I forgot about this "bad Asian driver" stereotype.
Jessica: You forgot about it? You make those jokes all the time.
Louis: I do not!
Jessica: What about this morning? It's okay, Louis. We can joke about it. We are Asian. Also, I back into the trash cans twice a week.
Louis: That's because you're a careless driver, not because you're Asian.
Jessica: Are we sure? I'm joking. Kind of.
Louis: I thought it was just a dumb thing, too, until I realized Eddie's going to be facing it now.
Jessica: I'm sure he knows all about it. He's 15 and he reads Angry magazine.
Louis: It's MAD magazine. And there's a huge difference between reading clever satire at home and being out there, vulnerable, exposed to this nonsense.
Jessica: I never thought about it that way.
Louis: We stopped to help someone on the side of the road today, and the cop just assumed that I caused an accident.
Jessica: Did Eddie hear this?
Louis: No, but it's only a matter of time. If he stops too short or leaves the blinkers on, it'll be thrown in his face, even though everyone else drives the same way!
Jessica: People do stick their finger up at me a lot.
Louis: Jessica, the stereotype's out there. We can't change that. But we can try to protect our son from it the best we can, which means he has to be doubly prepared, not less.

Eddie: Whoa. Robbing a bank! I'm gonna learn how to drive getaway style!
Louis: No, it's a tire iron. You have to learn how the machine works before you can be expected to master it. Rotate the tires. Change the oil, the spark plugs. Check the fluid.
Eddie: My friends didn't have to learn any of this nonsense. They're already driving! Brian has a hog!
Jessica: I made a deal with your mom. If you want to use our car, you're gonna have to learn my way.
Eddie: You gotta stop making deals with Mom. She tricks you every time.

Louis: I think you're ready. Show me what you got.
Eddie: Okay. I checked the tire pressure, adjusted the mirror, released the parking brake, turned off the radio, and buckled my seatbelt.
Louis: Is that everything? Forgot to check your blind spot.
Eddie: No, I did. You just missed it.
Louis: Oh, yeah? Jessica?
Jessica: I don't know how you didn't smell my sunscreen.
Louis: You just got in an accident because you didn't check your blind spot.
Eddie: I'm parked in my own driveway.
Louis: Most accidents happen within a mile of home.
Eddie: I'm at home!
Louis: That's within a mile. We can try again next weekend.
Eddie: Next weekend?! Forget it. I'm just gonna wait for school.
Louis: Listen, this is a big moment in your life, and I wanted it to be perfect. But the truth is, there's this stereotype–
Eddie: Asians suck at driving? Yeah, I've heard that crap. Who cares?
Louis: You will! I know you. When you get blamed for every little thing that goes wrong on the road whether it's your fault or not.
Eddie: So, because people are stupid, I have to do twice as much work?
Louis: I'm not saying it's fair. Eddie, you can half-ass this if you want. Maybe add to the stereotype. Or you can try to rail against it by being better. It's your choice.
Eddie: I hate that your "be the change" speech always gets to me.

Evan: All right, what's the deal? I gave her a present 10 times better than your lame-o fern, and she's still not giving me the time of day.
Emery: Maybe you're trying too hard.
Evan: I'm not buying your cheese. Spill it!
Emery: Okay, Grandma doesn't like telling her stories to you because, well, you know how you are.
Evan: A delight?
Emery: You've been known to suck the fun out of things. Or as Grandma says, you're a stick in the mud.
Evan: A stick in the mud?! I'll have you know a beaver would call that the start to a house!

Walter: I got to honk the horn for the first time. It felt so good!
Dave: Yeah, they say you never forget your first. I sure didn't. Hooonnnnnk!
Eddie: My dad says the most effective honk is good defensive driving. [to Trent] Why are you wearing those gloves if you can't drive?
Trent: My sisters realized I can be their designated driver. Now they let me drive all the time. Trish met a guy from Tampa in a bar, and I cruised them all the way home while they got busy in the back seat.
Eddie: What?! You're driving now?!

Louis: Eddie, what did you do? Me?
Eddie: Why do you think I caused this?
Louis: Because you're inexperienced.
Eddie: Brian just started driving, too. Why don't you blame him? Is it 'cause I'm Asian?
Brian: I don't see faces. I see cars.
Marvin: Well, you didn't see mine! Eddie's not at fault, Lou. Old lead-foot here came screaming around that corner way too fast.
Eddie: You are such a hypocrite. You immediately blame me 'cause I'm the Asian driver.
Louis: That's not what I'm doing. I just assumed because you–
Eddie: Are Asian? Just own it. Everybody's a little bit racist. Even you. First you joke about it, then you hate it, then you play into it? Make up your mind!
Louis: You weren't supposed to be driving at all.
Eddie: Your car. This isn't your car. I have my learner's permit.
Louis: Not anymore. I'm taking it away. Driving is a privilege, not a right.
Eddie: Forget this, I'm out!
Brian: So, I guess we swap info and let the claims adjusters figure out who caused what?

Evan: Oh, sorry, I'll give you the room. Don't want to be a stick in the mud. Oh, and I was thinking about it. How is a stick in the mud a bad thing anyway? If it's lying flat, you can step on it to keep your shoes clean and–
Emery: You're doing it right now. You pick apart every little detail. When someone's telling a story, when they're watching TV...
Evan: I thought people liked it when I corrected them, so they can learn.
Emery: Not really. Especially not Grandma.
Evan: But if I were ever wrong, I'd want someone to correct me.
Emery: You're not like most people. You're special that way.
Evan: But Grandma's stories are so–
Emery: Nonsensical? Who cares?
Evan: It's hard for me to enjoy something when I know it's wrong. The little voice in my brain won't quiet until I fix the mistake.
Emery: That's Mom's voice. It's okay to turn it off every now and then.
Evan: Really? We're allowed to do that?

Louis: Learning to drive is a huge moment in a kid's life. I didn't want this thing to overshadow it. I never thought I'd be the one he first felt it from.
Marvin: Well, look at the bright side, Lou, it's the '90s. People are getting hip. All this race stuff is almost done with.

Louis: Well, what did everyone think of the movie?
Jessica: The black man who talked like a girl was funny, but I thought there was one too many cheap jokes at the expense of Chinese stereotypes.
Eddie: Coming from the lady who brought food from home to the mall.
Jessica: That's not a thing. It's just smart.
Emery: I'm just glad I got to see some Asian representation on the big screen.
Louis: Well, I was impressed that a movie called Rush Hour never once made a "bad Asian driver" joke. Maybe there's hope for America yet.

Gallery[]

Episodes

Fresh Off the Boat – Season One

Episode 1 "Pilot"	Episode 2 "Home Sweet Home-School"	Episode 3 "The Shunning"	Episode 4 "Success Perm"


Episode 5 "Persistent Romeo"	Episode 6 "Fajita Man"	Episode 7 "Showdown at the Golden Saddle"	Episode 8 "Phillip Goldstein"


Episode 9 "License to Sell"	Episode 10 "Blind Spot"	Episode 11 "Very Superstitious"	Episode 12 "Dribbling Tiger, Bounce Pass Dragon"


Episode 13 So Chineez

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Two

Episode 1 "Family Business Trip"	Episode 2 "Boy II Man"	Episode 3 "Shaquille O'Neal Motors"	Episode 4 "The Fall Ball"


Episode 5 "Miracle on Dead Street"	Episode 6 "Good Morning Orlando"	Episode 7 "The Big 1-2"	Episode 8 "Huangsgiving"


Episode 9 "We Done Son"	Episode 10 "The Real Santa"	Episode 11 "Year of the Rat"	Episode 12 "Love and Loopholes"


Episode 13 "Phil's Phaves"	Episode 14 "Michael Chang Fever"	Episode 15 "Keep 'Em Separated"	Epsiode 16 "Tight Two"


Episode 17 "Doing It Right"	Episode 18 "Week in Review"	Episode 19 "Jessica Place"	Episode 20 "Hi, My Name Is..."


Episode 21 "Rent Day"	Episode 22 "Gotta Be Me"	Episode 23 "The Manchurian Dinner Date"	Episode 24 "Bring the Pain"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Three

Episode 1 "Coming from America"	Episode 2 "Breaking Chains"	Episode 3 "Louisween"	Episode 4 "Citizen Jessica"


Episode 5 "No Thanks-giving"	Episode 6 "WWJD: What Would Jessica Do?"	Episode 7 "The Taming of the Dads"	Episode 8 "Where are the Giggles?"


Episode 9 "How to Be an American"	Episode 10 "The Best of Orlando"	Episode 11 "Clean Slate"	Episode 12 "Sisters Without Subtext"


Episode 13 "Neighbors with Attitude"	Episode 14 "The Gloves Are Off"	Episode 15 "Living While Eddie"	Episode 16 "Gabby Goose"

	]
Episode 17 "The Flush"	Episode 18 "Time to Get Ill"	Episode 19 "Driving Miss Jenny"	Episode 20 "The Masters"


Episode 21 "Pie vs. Cake"	Episode 22 "This Is Us"	Episode 23 "This Isn't Us"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Four

Episode 1 "B as in Best Friends"	Episode 2 "First Day"	Episode 3 "Kids"	Episode 4 "It's a Plastic Pumpkin, Louis Huang"

Episode 5 "Four Funerals and a Wedding"	Episode 6 "A League of Her Own"	Episode 7 "The Day After Thanksgiving"	Episode 8 "The Vouch"

Episode 9 "Slide Effect"	Episode 10 "Do You Hear What I Hear?"	Episode 11 "Big Baby"	Episode 12 "Liar Liar"

Episode 13 "The Car Wash"	Episode 14 "A Man to Share the Night With"	Episode 15 "We Need to Talk About Evan"	Episode 16 "Ride the Tiger"

Episode 17 "Let Me Go, Bro"	Episode 18 "Measure Twice, Cut Once"	Episode 19 "King in the North"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Five

Episode 1 "Fresh Off the RV"	Episode 2 "The Hand That Sits the Cradle"	Episode 3 "Working the 'Ween"	Episode 4 "Driver's Eddie"
Episode 5 "Mo' Chinese Mo' Problems"	Episode 6 "Sub Standard"	Episode 7 "Where Have All the Cattlemen Gone?"	Episode 8 "Cousin Eddie"
Episode 9 "Just the Two of Us"	Episode 10 "You've Got a Girlfriend"	Episode 11 "Driver's Eddie 2: Orlando Drift"	Episode 12 "Legends of the Fortieth"
Episode 13 "Grand-Mahjong"	Episode 14 "Cupid's Crossbow"	Episode 15 "Be a Man"	Episode 16 "Trentina"
Episode 17 "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'"	Episode 18 "Rancho Contento"	Episode 19 "Vice Mommy"	Episode 20 "Nerd Watching"
Episode 21 "Under the Taipei Sun"	Episode 22 "No Apology Necessary"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Six

Episode 1 "Help Unwanted?"	Episode 2 "College"	Episode 3 "Grandma's Boys"	Episode 4 "S'Mothered"
Episode 5 "Hal-Lou-Ween"	Episode 6 "Chestnut Gardens"	Episode 7 "Practicum?!"	Episode 8 "TMI: Too Much Integrity"
Episode 9 "Lou Wants to Be a Millionaire"	Episode 10 "Jessica Town"	Episode 11 "A Seat at the Table"	Episode 12 "The Magic Motor Inn"
Episode 13 "Mommy and Me"	Episode 14 "Family Van"	Episode 15 "Commencement"