Measure Twice, Cut Once

"Louis, you always do this. You question and over-analyze and then you miss out on a great opportunity because you can't make up your mind."
"Well, I like to measure twice, cut once."
— Jessica Huang and Louis Huang

"Measure Twice, Cut Once" is the eighteenth episode of the fourth season of Fresh Off the Boat. It first aired on March 13, 2018.

Synopsis[]

After Louis buys Kenny Rogers' stake in Cattleman's Ranch back, he starts to doubt his instincts as sole owner. Frustrated by his cautiousness, Jessica flies in Madame Xing to ease Louis' anxiety, but that only stresses him out more - to the point of breaking a tooth. Marvin's laughing gas finally helps Louis relax, but side effects of strange visions accompany his relief. Meanwhile, Evan gives up watching Regis and Kathie Lee for Lent, leading his older brothers to mess with his head.

Plot[]

To be added

Cast[]

Main Cast[]

Randall Park as Louis Huang
Constance Wu as Jessica Huang
Hudson Yang as Eddie Huang
Forrest Wheeler as Emery Huang
Ian Chen as Evan Huang
Lucille Soong as Jenny Huang (credited as Grandma Huang)
Chelsey Crisp as Honey Ellis
Ray Wise as Marvin Ellis

Recurring Cast[]

Matt Oberg as Matthew Chestnut
Prophet Bolden as Walter Stone
Evan Hannemann as Dave Selby (credited as Barefoot Dave)
Dash Williams as Brian Pew

Guest Cast[]

RZA as The RZA (credited as The RZA)
Angela Kinsey as Amy Chestnut (voice only)
John Franklin as Lorenzo
June Angela as Madame Xing

Quotes[]

Evan: Eddie, whatever you do, don't turn it to Regis and Kathie Lee.
Eddie: Don't worry.
Evan: Which I gave up for 40 days of Lent to replicate the sacrifice of Jesus' 40-day trip into the desert.
Eddie: Here we go. Bible Boy is back.
Emery: My least favorite time of the year.
Evan: I forgive you, brothers. Love the sinners, hate the sin.

Evan: That's not how reincarnation works. I studied all the religions before enrolling into Jesus U.
Emery: Here comes the seminar.
Evan: Every time we die, our consciousness is reborn into another form. Each life is an opportunity to improve ourselves. If you do, your spirit transcends higher until you reach spiritual liberation.

Louis: All right, listen, I agree with you. We should buy back the restaurant.
Jessica: Yes! It takes you a while, Louis, but you finally get there.
Louis: But not because of any vision Madame Xing had. Because I called Silvia at Union Savings and had her run the numbers. They're too good to pass up. It doesn't make sense not to buy it.
Jessica: So Silvia is your Madame Xing.
Louis: No, Silvia is a professional working in an accredited industry. She uses math. She has a CPA. She graduated from FSU.

Louis: I'm just saying, this is a big decision. Maybe we should sleep on it.
Jessica: We just woke up from sleep! It's morning!

Eddie: Evan, cover your eyes and ears. We're gonna watch Baywatch.
Evan: Sorry, you can't. I'm taping Regis and Kathie Lee. I plan to catch up on all the episodes I miss once Lent ends.
Emery: Doesn't seem like much of a sacrifice if you're gonna watch the episodes eventually.
Evan: The shows will be irrelevant by then. That's the sacrifice.
Emery: So now we have to suffer so you can feel like you're superior to us?
Evan: Not superior, just better.
Eddie: Ugh! I cannot take 40 days of this.
Emery: Lent Evan is the worst. We need to take him down a peg.
Eddie: I don't know. I think I'm done with all that stuff. I'm maturing.
Emery: You farted into a Ziploc bag this morning and put it in the freezer to see if it would freeze.
Eddie: Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, cool, let's mess with Evan.

Evan: What are you doing?
Eddie: We're throwing out our underwear so we won't be tempted.
Evan: Tempted? By what?
Emery: After you left, we turned on Regis and Kathie Lee.
Eddie: Usually, we'd never watch that crap. But they did a really powerful segment on the true meaning of Lent, and it convinced us to give it a try.
Emery: Regis and Kathie Lee are giving up underwear for 40 days. So we're gonna try, too.
Evan: Why on Earth would Regis give up underwear? Kathie Lee maybe.
Emery: So they could be more like Jesus. Because he didn't wear underwear.
Evan: Excuse me! Jesus wore underwear.
Eddie: Not according to them, he didn't. They said it was too hot in the desert.
Emery: Plus, even if he did own a pair, you know he'd lend them to the less fortunate.
Evan: You guys are just messing with me.
Eddie: Oh, yeah? How many times does it mention underwear in the Bible you're always reading?
Emery: And you call yourself a student of religion.
Eddie: If you don't believe us, watch the tape.
Evan: A-ha! You're trying to make me break Lent. I should've known. You never even watched the show.
Eddie: Yes, we did.
Evan: Oh, yeah? Then who was the guest?
Eddie and Emery: Reba McEntire.
Evan: Ugh, that sounds right.

Marvin: I'm meeting Honey for lunch. We've been having a major battle about whether to circumcise the baby.
Louis: She doesn't want to?
Marvin: No, she says there's a lot of sensation in that part. Nerve endings. How does she know? Anyway, just lie back and enjoy the gas, Lou. I fought in the Navy. I can't let it come out that I didn't circumcise my boy. I go to reunions, it's gonna come up. You know, there was a guy in our unit that, uh, well, he was, you know, natural.

Honey: Why is it so important for a son to look like his father down there? When will anyone see you side by side?
Marvin: In the sauna.
Jessica: Just snip the kid already. If he's anything like his mother, he'll be a lazy cleaner.

Emery: We're sorry. It's just that you get so unbearable during Lent. That's why we tried to get you to break.
Eddie: But you got to forgive us, right? Your religion says so.
Evan: God forgives unconditionally. But I don't.

Eddie: Good morning! I am Regis Philbin.
Emery: And I'm Kathie Lee Gifford. I don't want to be Kathie Lee. Can't we both be Regis?
Evan: Don't be ridiculous. America can't handle two Regises.

Madame Xing: I was at Disney all day! I met Goofy.
Jessica: Did you try and kill Mrs. Goofy so you could have him all for yourself?
Madame Xing: What are you talking about?
Jessica: I had a vision. You let me die and then you stole my husband. You're fired, Xing.
Madame Xing: But I'm your psychic. You need me!
Jessica: I'll find a new psychic. One who's local and on anti-depressants to squelch her sex drive.
Madame Xing: I see you rethinking this after a good night's sleep.
Jessica: Mm, I see you walking back to D.C.

Gallery[]

Episodes

Fresh Off the Boat – Season One

Episode 1 "Pilot"	Episode 2 "Home Sweet Home-School"	Episode 3 "The Shunning"	Episode 4 "Success Perm"


Episode 5 "Persistent Romeo"	Episode 6 "Fajita Man"	Episode 7 "Showdown at the Golden Saddle"	Episode 8 "Phillip Goldstein"


Episode 9 "License to Sell"	Episode 10 "Blind Spot"	Episode 11 "Very Superstitious"	Episode 12 "Dribbling Tiger, Bounce Pass Dragon"


Episode 13 So Chineez

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Two

Episode 1 "Family Business Trip"	Episode 2 "Boy II Man"	Episode 3 "Shaquille O'Neal Motors"	Episode 4 "The Fall Ball"


Episode 5 "Miracle on Dead Street"	Episode 6 "Good Morning Orlando"	Episode 7 "The Big 1-2"	Episode 8 "Huangsgiving"


Episode 9 "We Done Son"	Episode 10 "The Real Santa"	Episode 11 "Year of the Rat"	Episode 12 "Love and Loopholes"


Episode 13 "Phil's Phaves"	Episode 14 "Michael Chang Fever"	Episode 15 "Keep 'Em Separated"	Epsiode 16 "Tight Two"


Episode 17 "Doing It Right"	Episode 18 "Week in Review"	Episode 19 "Jessica Place"	Episode 20 "Hi, My Name Is..."


Episode 21 "Rent Day"	Episode 22 "Gotta Be Me"	Episode 23 "The Manchurian Dinner Date"	Episode 24 "Bring the Pain"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Three

Episode 1 "Coming from America"	Episode 2 "Breaking Chains"	Episode 3 "Louisween"	Episode 4 "Citizen Jessica"


Episode 5 "No Thanks-giving"	Episode 6 "WWJD: What Would Jessica Do?"	Episode 7 "The Taming of the Dads"	Episode 8 "Where are the Giggles?"


Episode 9 "How to Be an American"	Episode 10 "The Best of Orlando"	Episode 11 "Clean Slate"	Episode 12 "Sisters Without Subtext"


Episode 13 "Neighbors with Attitude"	Episode 14 "The Gloves Are Off"	Episode 15 "Living While Eddie"	Episode 16 "Gabby Goose"

	]
Episode 17 "The Flush"	Episode 18 "Time to Get Ill"	Episode 19 "Driving Miss Jenny"	Episode 20 "The Masters"


Episode 21 "Pie vs. Cake"	Episode 22 "This Is Us"	Episode 23 "This Isn't Us"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Four

Episode 1 "B as in Best Friends"	Episode 2 "First Day"	Episode 3 "Kids"	Episode 4 "It's a Plastic Pumpkin, Louis Huang"

Episode 5 "Four Funerals and a Wedding"	Episode 6 "A League of Her Own"	Episode 7 "The Day After Thanksgiving"	Episode 8 "The Vouch"

Episode 9 "Slide Effect"	Episode 10 "Do You Hear What I Hear?"	Episode 11 "Big Baby"	Episode 12 "Liar Liar"

Episode 13 "The Car Wash"	Episode 14 "A Man to Share the Night With"	Episode 15 "We Need to Talk About Evan"	Episode 16 "Ride the Tiger"

Episode 17 "Let Me Go, Bro"	Episode 18 "Measure Twice, Cut Once"	Episode 19 "King in the North"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Five

Episode 1 "Fresh Off the RV"	Episode 2 "The Hand That Sits the Cradle"	Episode 3 "Working the 'Ween"	Episode 4 "Driver's Eddie"
Episode 5 "Mo' Chinese Mo' Problems"	Episode 6 "Sub Standard"	Episode 7 "Where Have All the Cattlemen Gone?"	Episode 8 "Cousin Eddie"
Episode 9 "Just the Two of Us"	Episode 10 "You've Got a Girlfriend"	Episode 11 "Driver's Eddie 2: Orlando Drift"	Episode 12 "Legends of the Fortieth"
Episode 13 "Grand-Mahjong"	Episode 14 "Cupid's Crossbow"	Episode 15 "Be a Man"	Episode 16 "Trentina"
Episode 17 "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'"	Episode 18 "Rancho Contento"	Episode 19 "Vice Mommy"	Episode 20 "Nerd Watching"
Episode 21 "Under the Taipei Sun"	Episode 22 "No Apology Necessary"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Six

Episode 1 "Help Unwanted?"	Episode 2 "College"	Episode 3 "Grandma's Boys"	Episode 4 "S'Mothered"
Episode 5 "Hal-Lou-Ween"	Episode 6 "Chestnut Gardens"	Episode 7 "Practicum?!"	Episode 8 "TMI: Too Much Integrity"
Episode 9 "Lou Wants to Be a Millionaire"	Episode 10 "Jessica Town"	Episode 11 "A Seat at the Table"	Episode 12 "The Magic Motor Inn"
Episode 13 "Mommy and Me"	Episode 14 "Family Van"	Episode 15 "Commencement"