Vice Mommy

"I have appointed Evan to the position of Vice Mommy."
— Jessica Huang

"Vice Mommy" is the nineteenth episode of the fifth season of Fresh Off the Boat. It first aired on March 22, 2019.

Synopsis[]

Jessica starts her college classes, leaving Evan in charge at home as "vice mommy". But the transition doesn't go smoothly, either for her starting school again or with Evan taking over the reins of the Huang household. Eddie and Louis run into conflict when Eddie just wants his dad to treat him as an employee, and not a son, at Cattleman's Ranch.

Plot[]

To be added

Cast[]

Main Cast[]

Randall Park as Louis Huang
Constance Wu as Jessica Huang
Hudson Yang as Eddie Huang
Forrest Wheeler as Emery Huang
Ian Chen as Evan Huang
Lucille Soong as Jenny Huang (credited as Grandma Huang)
Chelsey Crisp as Honey Ellis
Ray Wise as Marvin Ellis

Recurring Cast[]

Trevor Larcom as Trent Masterson
Noel Gugliemi as Hector Martinez (credited as Noel G.)
Isabel Oliver Marcus as Tina Masterson
Kasey Cummings as Chad

Guest Cast[]

Mo Gaffney as Professor
Waleed Mansour as Burt Palouska

Quotes[]

Jessica: It's time this bird flew back to school to become the teacher-boss she was always meant to be. I won't be around as much, but don't worry. I will be leaving you in very capable hands. Everybody, please give your full attention and respect to... Evan.
Evan: Thank you. It's an honor.
Eddie: Evan's in charge? But what about Dad?
Louis: Oh, well, I can't be in charge 'cause I'm too busy running the restaurant.
Jessica: [sarcastically] Yes, that's exactly it. I have appointed Evan to the position of Vice Mommy.
Emery: Vice Mommy? Sounds like a made-up job.
Evan: Well, "Emery" sounds like a made-up name, so...
Jessica: Vice Mommy, the floor is yours.
Evan: I want to work with you, not at you, so, please, for the love of God, work with me.

Evan: There's a cookie in here with your name on it, but promise me you'll eat your carrots first.
Jessica: Yes, Vice Mommy. Wait, did you–
Evan: Hide Dad's purple tie so he doesn't waste 15 minutes debating if he can pull it off? Yes.
Jessica: Good. Did you–
Evan: Clean the hair out of the drain so Emery doesn't think it's a shower rat? No. He needs to learn.
Jessica: Yes. He must be braver. I guess I'm just nervous. As the roaring engine of the Huang family machine, I'm afraid things will fall apart without me. Maybe I should just stay home, put school off for another year... or ten.
Evan: Woman! That's crazy talk! This is your dream!
Jessica: I know, but what if Eddie forgets to pack for Taiwan or Grandma succeeds in throwing that party she's been threatening to throw for two years?
Evan: Relax. I've got you covered. I've even scheduled Vice Mommy Reports, or "VMRs." Each night, we'll decompress over a game of Scrabble, and I'll fill you in on news from the home front.
Jessica: Sounds good. Sprinkle in some current events, too. I like to be informed.
Evan: Come on. You'll miss the bus.
Jessica: I'm driving.
Evan: They grow up so fast.

Evan: [to Grandma Jenny] Don't even think about it.
Jenny: Why are you such a bummer?
Evan: Because things are changing around here. A lesser boy may be worried about losing his mommy to school, but not me. I'm gonna make sure everything runs perfectly so that Mommy will have more than enough time for me.

Trent: Oh, man. I can't believe you're traveling abroad, all by yourself.
Eddie: Yeah, I'm pretty stoked for this cultural exchange program. I feel worldly and mature, like I just tried sushi for the first time.
Trent: And you're not freaked out at all? Taiwan's pretty far away. Like, farther than England.
Eddie: The only thing I'm nervous about is asking Tina to be my girlfriend before I go. She challenged me to improve myself, and I think I have.
Trent: I noticed you've been carrying around a hanky.
Eddie: Oh, my gentleman's napkin? Yeah. I think I'm ready to ask her out.
Trent: I'd say so. You and my sister going steady... how thrilling. Have you picked out the pin? Can I see?
Eddie: The pin?
Trent: To make it official, my dad says you have to offer up a pin. I keep one on me at all times. Oh, crap. Is this another one of the old man's antiquated customs? Until last year, I thought every family practiced hiding underground in case the Ruskis get any ideas.

Louis: Gather 'round, Cattlemen and women! It is that time of the month. Uh, I mean, it's Employee of the Month time.

Jenny: So, I don't need a big party. What if I invite, like, oh, four friends over? We stay in my room. My friends are cool. We'll keep it chill.
Evan: Not now. I'm losing Mommy time because she's not doing well in school. I wish she would just let me help.
Jenny: You? Help? What you going to do, huh? Stow away in her backpack?

Evan: 'Scuse me. Is this seat taken?
Jessica: Evan?
Evan: That's right. There's a new big man on campus, and he's little.
Jessica: Evan, this is grown-up school. Kids aren't allowed here.
Evan: It's okay. I'm only here to help. I'm an excellent student.
Professor: Is this a friend of yours?
Jessica: Each joke funnier than the last.
Evan: Evan Huang. Believe it or not, this young lady right here is my mother.
Jessica: Good genes. What can I say?
Evan: Sorry to impose, but we had some childcare issues. It's so hard to find good help these days.
Professor: Isn't it, though?
Evan: Is it all right if I stay? I have some... coloring to catch up on. You won't even know I'm here.
Professor: I don't see why not.

Emery: I didn't realize this trip required so much shaving.
Eddie: Oh, my travel cans? They're all secretly wallets. I stored all my money in them. Emery, you're supposedly good with ladies, right?
Emery: This is supposedly true.
Eddie: Well, let me ask you. If I wanted to impress Tina, would cooking her a romantic dinner be a good idea?
Emery: That's a great idea. She'll melt just like butter on top of... some hot food.
Louis: You know, the person you should be thinking about is your boss. Have you told him about your trip?
Eddie: Dad, you know about my trip.
Louis: Oh, yes, I know about your trip, but your boss doesn't.
Emery: I'm lost. Did a famous musician take over Cattleman's again?
Louis: Well, since we're at home, I have my dad hat on. Allow me to give you some fatherly advice. Whenever you take a trip, you always need to check in at work, fill out the proper time-off forms, et cetera.
Eddie: For real?
Louis: For real. You said you didn't want any special treatment.

Evan: There comes a time in every young man's life when he's faced with the question... Are you gonna beat this duck à l'orange recipe, or are you gonna let this duck à l'orange recipe beat you?
Eddie: Scoot over, li'l bro. I gotta cook for my would-be lady before I leave. Work my culinary magic.
Evan: Sorry, can't. I need the kitchen so I can dazzle Burt Papusa.
Eddie: Who the hell is Burt Papusa?
Evan: I don't have time to explain who everyone is to you! If you look at the family schedule, you'll see that I have reserved the kitchen. As Vice Mommy, I'm gonna have to insist that you leave. You're gonna have to find another kitchen for your little flirt fest.
Eddie: What is going on in this house? You're the mom, Dad's the boss, and Grandma asked me to drive her to get a keg.
Evan: Please tell me you didn't.
Eddie: Relax. She refused to put a deposit down on the tap, so we just turned around.

Eddie: Dad, you just interrupted my romantic moment.
Louis: Look, no one wants you and Tina together more than me, but you used the work kitchen without permission. If you were any other employee, you'd be fired.
Eddie: See, Evan kicked me out, so I had to find another–
Louis: Stop right there. We're at work. I have my boss hat on. I can't get in the middle of your family drama.
Eddie: Come on, Dad. You're taking this too far.
Louis: You're the one who wanted to draw these lines, but only when it was convenient for you.

Evan: Where is that son of a gun? My duck's getting cold.
Jessica: Oh, change of plans. Burt invited me to join his study group that meets tonight!
Evan: So, he's not coming for dinner?
Jessica: No. But the duck looks great, though. You keep cooking like this for the family, you're gonna make me look bad.
Evan: Wait! We still need to do our VMR.
Jessica: Oh, you don't have to do those for me anymore. I know you have everything under control.
Jenny: Hey, Julia Child. I'm taking this guy back to my room. Maybe a fun party will turn your frown upside-down?
Evan: I can't believe my plan backfired. Instead of securing more time with Mommy, I've pushed her into the waiting arms of Burt Papusa. Aren't you going to ask who Burt Papusa is?
Jenny: I assume he's a wrestler.
Evan: Well, he's wrestled Mommy away from me, that's for sure.
Jenny: As long as you're taking care of everything here, she will be free to focus on wrestling her new friends.
Evan: You're right! Maybe I've been going about this the wrong way. Maybe you and I can both get what we want.

Eddie: Here's my leave-of-absence paperwork for Cattleman's. Dad said I should give it to you.
Trent: Do we have to do this here? I like to keep work and school separate.
Eddie: Not you, too!
Trent: Whoa! Easy, cowboy. Tell your old pal Trent what's wrong.
Eddie: I asked my dad to respect my boundaries, and now he's being a tyrant.
Trent: A tyrant? That doesn't sound like the Louis I know and love.
Eddie: Don't take his side!
Trent: Oh, sorry. This is awkward for me. I'm really good friends with you both.
Eddie: You have to admit we wouldn't be in this fight if he didn't lay on the special treatment so thick.
Trent: Eddie, you're not the only one who gets special treatment. Remember when I made the honor roll and he named that dessert after me?
Eddie: Trent-a-misu? Yeah.
Trent: And when Hector adopted that cat? Your dad treats all us employees like family.

Jessica: What the hell is this? MTV Beach House?
Jenny: You guys know you can smoke in here, huh? I don't care. I live in the garage!
Jessica: Jenny, I have told you a thousand times — No parties! I'll deal with you later. Where's Evan?
Evan: I'm over here.
Jessica: Evan! You were supposed to be in charge. What happened?
Evan: I tried to stop her, but I only have so much power. I'm just Vice Mommy.
Jessica: Don't you take that matronizing tone with me.

Jessica: This is what happens when I'm away?
Evan: Yes. I guess you should just quit now and come back home. You going back to school was a big mistake.
Jessica: No, my big mistake was giving you too much responsibility! Maybe I should put Emery in charge.
Evan: He can't handle it!
Emery: I can't handle it.
Jenny: Hey, w-why not me?
Evan: It wasn't too much for me. I let Grandma have the party on purpose.
Jessica: What?! What is going on with you? Why would you do that?
Evan: Because! You were obsessed with school, not to mention Burt.
Emery: Who's Burt?
Evan: Not now!
Jenny: A hot wrestler.
Evan: I thought I could handle you going back to school, but I'm afraid I'm losing you.

Eddie: Tina, I'll cut right to it. I'm shipping out.
Tina: Okay...?
Eddie: I know we've been figuring out our relationship, but I'm here to tell you, I'm a one-woman man... And that woman is you. I'm not gonna force your hand, but I want you to know, while I'm away, I'll be thinking of you. And when I return, I want to take you out on a romantic date. I'm thinking... hot wings?

Gallery[]

Episodes

Fresh Off the Boat – Season One

Episode 1 "Pilot"	Episode 2 "Home Sweet Home-School"	Episode 3 "The Shunning"	Episode 4 "Success Perm"


Episode 5 "Persistent Romeo"	Episode 6 "Fajita Man"	Episode 7 "Showdown at the Golden Saddle"	Episode 8 "Phillip Goldstein"


Episode 9 "License to Sell"	Episode 10 "Blind Spot"	Episode 11 "Very Superstitious"	Episode 12 "Dribbling Tiger, Bounce Pass Dragon"


Episode 13 So Chineez

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Two

Episode 1 "Family Business Trip"	Episode 2 "Boy II Man"	Episode 3 "Shaquille O'Neal Motors"	Episode 4 "The Fall Ball"


Episode 5 "Miracle on Dead Street"	Episode 6 "Good Morning Orlando"	Episode 7 "The Big 1-2"	Episode 8 "Huangsgiving"


Episode 9 "We Done Son"	Episode 10 "The Real Santa"	Episode 11 "Year of the Rat"	Episode 12 "Love and Loopholes"


Episode 13 "Phil's Phaves"	Episode 14 "Michael Chang Fever"	Episode 15 "Keep 'Em Separated"	Epsiode 16 "Tight Two"


Episode 17 "Doing It Right"	Episode 18 "Week in Review"	Episode 19 "Jessica Place"	Episode 20 "Hi, My Name Is..."


Episode 21 "Rent Day"	Episode 22 "Gotta Be Me"	Episode 23 "The Manchurian Dinner Date"	Episode 24 "Bring the Pain"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Three

Episode 1 "Coming from America"	Episode 2 "Breaking Chains"	Episode 3 "Louisween"	Episode 4 "Citizen Jessica"


Episode 5 "No Thanks-giving"	Episode 6 "WWJD: What Would Jessica Do?"	Episode 7 "The Taming of the Dads"	Episode 8 "Where are the Giggles?"


Episode 9 "How to Be an American"	Episode 10 "The Best of Orlando"	Episode 11 "Clean Slate"	Episode 12 "Sisters Without Subtext"


Episode 13 "Neighbors with Attitude"	Episode 14 "The Gloves Are Off"	Episode 15 "Living While Eddie"	Episode 16 "Gabby Goose"

	]
Episode 17 "The Flush"	Episode 18 "Time to Get Ill"	Episode 19 "Driving Miss Jenny"	Episode 20 "The Masters"


Episode 21 "Pie vs. Cake"	Episode 22 "This Is Us"	Episode 23 "This Isn't Us"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Four

Episode 1 "B as in Best Friends"	Episode 2 "First Day"	Episode 3 "Kids"	Episode 4 "It's a Plastic Pumpkin, Louis Huang"

Episode 5 "Four Funerals and a Wedding"	Episode 6 "A League of Her Own"	Episode 7 "The Day After Thanksgiving"	Episode 8 "The Vouch"

Episode 9 "Slide Effect"	Episode 10 "Do You Hear What I Hear?"	Episode 11 "Big Baby"	Episode 12 "Liar Liar"

Episode 13 "The Car Wash"	Episode 14 "A Man to Share the Night With"	Episode 15 "We Need to Talk About Evan"	Episode 16 "Ride the Tiger"

Episode 17 "Let Me Go, Bro"	Episode 18 "Measure Twice, Cut Once"	Episode 19 "King in the North"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Five

Episode 1 "Fresh Off the RV"	Episode 2 "The Hand That Sits the Cradle"	Episode 3 "Working the 'Ween"	Episode 4 "Driver's Eddie"
Episode 5 "Mo' Chinese Mo' Problems"	Episode 6 "Sub Standard"	Episode 7 "Where Have All the Cattlemen Gone?"	Episode 8 "Cousin Eddie"
Episode 9 "Just the Two of Us"	Episode 10 "You've Got a Girlfriend"	Episode 11 "Driver's Eddie 2: Orlando Drift"	Episode 12 "Legends of the Fortieth"
Episode 13 "Grand-Mahjong"	Episode 14 "Cupid's Crossbow"	Episode 15 "Be a Man"	Episode 16 "Trentina"
Episode 17 "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'"	Episode 18 "Rancho Contento"	Episode 19 "Vice Mommy"	Episode 20 "Nerd Watching"
Episode 21 "Under the Taipei Sun"	Episode 22 "No Apology Necessary"

Fresh Off the Boat – Season Six

Episode 1 "Help Unwanted?"	Episode 2 "College"	Episode 3 "Grandma's Boys"	Episode 4 "S'Mothered"
Episode 5 "Hal-Lou-Ween"	Episode 6 "Chestnut Gardens"	Episode 7 "Practicum?!"	Episode 8 "TMI: Too Much Integrity"
Episode 9 "Lou Wants to Be a Millionaire"	Episode 10 "Jessica Town"	Episode 11 "A Seat at the Table"	Episode 12 "The Magic Motor Inn"
Episode 13 "Mommy and Me"	Episode 14 "Family Van"	Episode 15 "Commencement"